God Loves Us So Much

I have had a great weekend.  I have felt the Spirit more powerfully and more often than I have in a long time.  I have several experiences from the past two days that I want to share.

Yesterday I was home alone doing the dishes when suddenly I felt an overwhelming feeling of love.  It seemed so random!  I immediately stopped what I was doing, got down on my knees and began to pray out loud.  I thanked Heavenly Father for His mercy, grace, and love.  The feeling grew stronger.  It's hard to describe it.  Borrowing words from the scriptures, there was a swelling in my breast and I felt an my soul being enlarged.  Those spiritual moments can come at any time.  If we are not living the way we should be, we could very well miss them.  I know that God was telling me that I was on the right path and doing the right things and that He was pleased with me.

Today after my family went to church (my homeward meets at eleven, the YSA ward I go to meets at one) I watch The Testaments.  I love that movie.  Every time I watch it I'm bawling at the end.  I felt that overwhelming love again.  And I began to feel a burning desire to share that love.  I wanted God to lead me to those souls who were seeking to become better that I could help.  This is something I had been praying for.  I want to go on a mission for many different reasons, but I want the biggest reason to simply be a desire to share God's love with His children.  So I've been praying for that.  I met with my Stake President today, and my mission papers are going to be submitted tomorrow.  Something he challenged me to do to prepare to serve was to talk to people that I don't know.  In that moment of joy and love after the movie, I determined that I was going to talk to people in my ward today that I didn't know.

Soon after arriving to church, that feeling had faded.  I sat alone, and even though my entire bench ended up filled with people I didn't know by the beginning of the meeting, I didn't talk to any of them.  I began to feel a little discouraged.  This feeling grew stronger when I realized that I had failed to do my home teaching this month despite having been determined to fulfill my duty at the beginning of the month.  I began to pray, expressing my sorrow at my failure and at my weakness and asking for help in overcoming my infirmities.  I saw that the intermediate hymn was no. 130, so I opened up to it to see what it was.  The words struck me.  Hymn no. 130 is "Be Thou Humble."

Be thou humble
in the weakness,
and the Lord thy God shall lead thee,
shall lead thee by the hand
and give thee answers to thy prayers.

Be thou humble 
in thy pleading,
and the Lord thy God shall bless thee,
shall bless thee with a sweet 
and calm assurance that he cares.  

One of the scriptures at the bottom of the page was Ether 12:27. "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  I have been trying so hard the last few weeks to come unto Christ.  I have made leaps and bounds in my progress.  As I read this scripture I began to understand, and this is what I wrote in my notebook:
"I came to Christ and he showed me my weakness in talking to people I don't know.  At first, this discouraged me.  I changed that discouragement to humility.  He spoke to me through the words of Hymn No. 130 and Ether 12:27.  I felt consumed by his love as he showed me that if I am humbleand have faith in him, his grace is sufficient."
I felt that love in a particularly powerful way as I partook of the sacrament and reflected again and again on the words of the hymn and of Ether 12:27.  When we are humble in our pleading, the Lord truly does bless us with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares.

God loves us.  I know that with all my heart.  "He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh" (2 Nephi 4:21).  He knows our fears, our concerns, and our weaknesses and he wants to help us overcome them.  He has helped me in overcoming the greatest challenge I have ever faced.  His power is real.  The power of the atonement can help you through any struggle.  If you feel you are in the darkest pit, you can still find light.  I have been through awful despair and my Savior has lifted me up to unspeakable joy.  There is nowhere he can't reach, no wound he can't heal, no sorrow he can't comfort.  He loves you, and he can and will help you if you humbly and sincerely seek his divine help.

The Enabling Power of the Atonement

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life.  Often, I feel completely overwhelmed with my weaknesses and I feel like Nephi when he said, "O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.  I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.  And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins."  I've generally had a very negative attitude about myself.  When it came time for me to submit my mission papers and to receive the Melchizedek priesthood, I couldn't.  At that time (about a month and a half ago), I felt completely out of place at institute or at church.  Those people were so much better than me, I thought to myself.  My closest friends are all on missions.  I began to question whether I would ever be able to serve a mission.  

Two weeks ago, I posted on facebook this status: "No one should ever marry me.  Please remind me if I ever start getting into a relationship."  This was following a fight between me and my younger brother.  I lost my temper with him, partly because I was frustrated with my parents, but I took it out on him.  I was so angry.  God had been trying to tell me for weeks that I needed to forgive my family members of their faults, especially my parents.  And I was having the hardest time with it.  I was so angry and frustrated at that moment.  And I couldn't see anyway that I could change.  

Thankfully, I have a wonderful uncle who has a strong testimony and who has been a great example to me in the past year and a half.  He wanted me to read an article from April's Ensign called, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality," which was taken from a talk Elder David A. Bednar gave at BYU a few years ago.  In it, he speaks of the enabling power of the atonement.  He says that the atonement is not just about making bad men good, but about making good men better.  As I read this article, I began to realize that I could use the power of Christ's atonement to overcome any challenge.  Still though, I struggled.

A week ago, on a Saturday night, I finished reading the first book in Brandon Mull's, "The Beyonders" series.  The book is all about fighting evil despite the consequences.  An evil wizard named Maldor has nearly solidified his power over the land of Lyrian, and only a very few try to fight him.  All of them fail.  Most give in to his offers of power or to live out their days at Harthenham, a place where they can rest from all their worries at the Eternal Feast.  Yet though the odds are against him and their are many other options he could take, the main character, Jason, chooses to fight Maldor no matter what the cost, which he knows is most likely imprisonment and torture.  There is also a character named Tark who seems to go through a cycle of heroism, followed by failure, followed by self-pity, followed by a chance encounter with Jason that once again inspires him to be heroic again.  I wanted to be like Jason, but felt all too much like Tark.  

The next morning, I typed up some thoughts, telling myself that I was on a quest against dark forces and that I could not fail.  It's a lengthy paragraph that I now have hanging in my room and I read it often to rekindle my determination to stay on the right path.  In this past week, I have read my scriptures every morning; I have said prayers morning and night, endeavoring to make them mighty prayers; I have done my best to sacrifice what God asks me to sacrifice; I have sought to do His will;  I received a priesthood blessing from my father to give me additional strength and guidance, a blessing in which he mentioned "the enabling power of the spirit"; I have shared my testimony;  and I have felt the spirit often.  

No matter where we are at, no matter what mistakes we have made, no matter what our faults may be, our Heavenly Father loves us.  He has a plan for each one of us.  If we will turn to him with full purpose of heart, he will strengthen us and guide us.  "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).  The atonement is powerful, and through it we can not only obtain a remission of our sins, but we can be enabled to overcome any challenge we may face.  Turn to the Lord, trust in him, and humbly do whatever he asks.  You will be blessed.