The Enabling Power of the Atonement

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life.  Often, I feel completely overwhelmed with my weaknesses and I feel like Nephi when he said, "O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.  I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.  And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins."  I've generally had a very negative attitude about myself.  When it came time for me to submit my mission papers and to receive the Melchizedek priesthood, I couldn't.  At that time (about a month and a half ago), I felt completely out of place at institute or at church.  Those people were so much better than me, I thought to myself.  My closest friends are all on missions.  I began to question whether I would ever be able to serve a mission.  

Two weeks ago, I posted on facebook this status: "No one should ever marry me.  Please remind me if I ever start getting into a relationship."  This was following a fight between me and my younger brother.  I lost my temper with him, partly because I was frustrated with my parents, but I took it out on him.  I was so angry.  God had been trying to tell me for weeks that I needed to forgive my family members of their faults, especially my parents.  And I was having the hardest time with it.  I was so angry and frustrated at that moment.  And I couldn't see anyway that I could change.  

Thankfully, I have a wonderful uncle who has a strong testimony and who has been a great example to me in the past year and a half.  He wanted me to read an article from April's Ensign called, "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality," which was taken from a talk Elder David A. Bednar gave at BYU a few years ago.  In it, he speaks of the enabling power of the atonement.  He says that the atonement is not just about making bad men good, but about making good men better.  As I read this article, I began to realize that I could use the power of Christ's atonement to overcome any challenge.  Still though, I struggled.

A week ago, on a Saturday night, I finished reading the first book in Brandon Mull's, "The Beyonders" series.  The book is all about fighting evil despite the consequences.  An evil wizard named Maldor has nearly solidified his power over the land of Lyrian, and only a very few try to fight him.  All of them fail.  Most give in to his offers of power or to live out their days at Harthenham, a place where they can rest from all their worries at the Eternal Feast.  Yet though the odds are against him and their are many other options he could take, the main character, Jason, chooses to fight Maldor no matter what the cost, which he knows is most likely imprisonment and torture.  There is also a character named Tark who seems to go through a cycle of heroism, followed by failure, followed by self-pity, followed by a chance encounter with Jason that once again inspires him to be heroic again.  I wanted to be like Jason, but felt all too much like Tark.  

The next morning, I typed up some thoughts, telling myself that I was on a quest against dark forces and that I could not fail.  It's a lengthy paragraph that I now have hanging in my room and I read it often to rekindle my determination to stay on the right path.  In this past week, I have read my scriptures every morning; I have said prayers morning and night, endeavoring to make them mighty prayers; I have done my best to sacrifice what God asks me to sacrifice; I have sought to do His will;  I received a priesthood blessing from my father to give me additional strength and guidance, a blessing in which he mentioned "the enabling power of the spirit"; I have shared my testimony;  and I have felt the spirit often.  

No matter where we are at, no matter what mistakes we have made, no matter what our faults may be, our Heavenly Father loves us.  He has a plan for each one of us.  If we will turn to him with full purpose of heart, he will strengthen us and guide us.  "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).  The atonement is powerful, and through it we can not only obtain a remission of our sins, but we can be enabled to overcome any challenge we may face.  Turn to the Lord, trust in him, and humbly do whatever he asks.  You will be blessed.